如何有计划的争吵,做到既可以解决问题,又不会伤及感情

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I don't know if you have discovered that when you care about a person, the easier it is to move to the other side when there is a contradiction, and then in the repeated concessions and compromises, slowly the principle and the bottom line are drawn. The lower the final, the more hats that will be deducted.

In fact, almost every relationship can't be smooth, quarrel is inevitable, but you want to be reasonable in the quarrel, the sentence is tied to the other's pain points, and does not hurt the feelings between you, this needs to have The plan is going on.

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First, build the bottom line of self-principal

When the relationship begins to develop, you must first say your bottom line, what kind of things can be done, and what kind of things can never be done. The rules and regulations of these bottom lines must be clearly listed. What do I want to talk about? Kind of love, what kind of partner do I want, what can I give you in the process of love, what can't be given to you, all of which must be understood.

Once the other party touches your bottom line, if you don't give punishment in time, then the bottom line you said before will be ignored by the other party, and even will come to challenge your bottom line one after another, just like the child crying for the first time you give him sugar. The same, then he will be worse.

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Second, how to let the other party feel your principle

Give value first, then make a punishment system, just like you work in a company. Once you break the rules, you are faced with unemployment and salary reduction. In the same way, you need to let the other person get used to the value supply, because inertia will change. In the original way of thinking, when your mode of getting along has a habit to do it, your existence will become important in the psychology of the other party, and the risk of losing you will also increase, so the intensity of punishment will also be Will be enhanced.

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三,相互尊重的原则

虽然两个人对感情的投入永远不能平等,但感情必须是相互的,尊重也是真的,对方清楚你的原则并尊重你,你也需要尊重彼此的原则并把自己放在控制之下降低一点。

事实上,大多数所谓的不尊重来自于控制的欲望,例如查看对方的手机记录,无论他们要报告他们的下落,稍后回家并杀死串行呼叫,所谓善于对方,需要安全感为了减少出轨的风险,但是肤浅的借口,最根本的冬天是因为对方与你有密切联系,你的控制欲望驱使你限制每一个在可控范围内的其他行为轨迹。

这是每个人的本能,尊重是能够抑制和理智的本能。

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第四,理性判断爱与爱的差距

许多人发现他们的对象在完成约会后发生了变化。它不像追逐自己那样热情,因为他爱上了你。当你追求你时,它就是一个国家。与你交谈后,你处于一个状态。你的情绪判断会告诉你这个人不是那么爱你。这是爱情前后最大的误解。他不爱你,但两个人在相处后改变了他们爱你的方式。

对于那些缺乏安全感的人来说,前后差异的感觉会使她非常恐惧和不安,她会非常喜欢爱情阶段的激情,这将导致巨大的心理差距和焦虑,所以会有不满,然后开始纠缠,造成男女之间的冲突。

我们每个人都会经历这种依恋和独立的阶段。当我们进入独立阶段时,感情是坚实的,情感真的会沉淀,这种更稳定的现实代表着真正的安全感。这是需要明确认识的事情。